Hinge Theory
Why Relationships Break
A door stands firm because of its hinge. Without it, the door collapses, no matter how strong the frame. Marriage is that hinge — it holds the structure of a family together. And when it weakens, everything else falls apart.
Divorces don’t happen overnight. They are a slow erosion, a gradual rusting of the hinge. Understanding why this happens is the key to preventing it.
Why Marriages Fail
The “Kaccha Bond” Mindset
Many enter marriage treating their relationship as something conditional — less permanent than their bonds with parents, siblings, or even children. Instead of seeing their spouse as their primary partner in life, they subconsciously view the marriage as a temporary phase, something that must “prove itself” over time. This mindset weakens the hinge from the start.
Lack of Maintenance
Hinges need oiling. Marriage needs effort. Small issues — unspoken grievances, unmet expectations, unexpressed affection — build up like rust. Over time, they weaken the bond, making it brittle and prone to breaking.
Overburdening the Hinge
Financial stress, societal expectations, emotional dependency — when too much weight is placed on a marriage, the hinge bends under pressure. A relationship cannot bear the weight of every unfulfilled dream or every external obligation without suffering damage.
The Modern Era and Divorce
Historically, hinges were always there, but divorces were rare. So what changed?
Individualism Over Collectivism
In the past, extended families and communities acted as support systems. Today, couples are expected to function in isolation. The hinge now bears the full weight of the door alone.
Higher Expectations of Marriage
A spouse is now expected to be everything — best friend, confidant, financial partner, therapist. The burden is overwhelming, and when expectations aren’t met, disappointment turns into resentment.
Increased Agency to Leave
In earlier generations, financial and societal constraints kept couples together, even in unhappy marriages. Today, the ability to leave is greater, and while that’s empowering, it also means people are quicker to exit when things get hard.
The Illusion of Endless Alternatives
Social media and dating apps have given people a glimpse into alternative possibilities. Even in a stable marriage, one might wonder, Could I be happier with someone else? This constant comparison erodes contentment.
The Pace of Modern Life
Work, responsibilities, distractions — modern life leaves little time to nurture relationships. Emotional distance builds, and before the couple realizes it, they are strangers under the same roof.
Why the Hinge Theory Matters More Than Ever
Hinges Need Maintenance: Relationships require ongoing effort, communication, and care to remain strong.
Understand the Weight: Recognizing the pressure a marriage carries helps distribute the load evenly. Seeking external support — whether from family, friends, or therapy — prevents strain from becoming unmanageable.
Adjust for Modern Realities: Independence and personal growth are essential, but not at the cost of emotional connection. Marriage must evolve to accommodate both individuality and togetherness.
Hinges don’t break overnight. They rust, they wear out, they weaken from neglect. But with the right care, they can remain strong for a lifetime.